P-Town: Too Much is Never Enough
“There are three cures for everything: tears, sweat, and the sea.”
I’m on my way back to Los Angeles after spending a week on the east coast in Provincetown, Massachusetts. I had heard about “P-Town” for years through my gay brothers and sisters, but this was my first time.
The trip was a gift from my late boyfriend, John, and his best friend, Nick. They made the trip annually (four times in as many years) so the place is heavy with meaning. In February, I made a goal of transforming myself completely, inside and out, for this trip as a way to honor his memory and hopefully find some peace and freedom.
From my first steps off the ferry, I was taken by the energy and old world charm of this coastal town which pilgrims first settled with their sweat and sacrifice. The warmth and vitality reminded me of Ibiza and Laguna, two of my other most favorite places on earth. Without question, Provincetown now falls into that category for me.
The humid Atlantic breeze. Quaint shops overflowing with art, oddities and photography. Men on bicycles everywhere. (Men everywhere, really). Dappled sunlight through tree tunnels on sand-swept highways. Many tough workouts in the gym. Showtunes at Crown & Anchor. Tea at the Boat Slip. Sunset picnic at Race Point and a bonfire that almost was. Late nights dancing: On my own under the mirrored disco ball, and with my brothers on the edges. Days soaking up sun. Pizza and ice cream. New friends from D.C., North Carolina, Boston, San Francisco and Atlanta.
Through all this, I was a sponge, taking everything in, resisting nothing, with a spectacular clarity of mind and purpose. Standing strong in my sobriety was a gift to myself — I would never have had it any other way — I wanted to fully experience the depth of my pain and the heights of my joy. Refusing victimization consciousness allowed me to leave both my sweat and tears on the dance floor. I let inside the light and the love of my tribe, as we raised our arms together to celebrate the song of ourselves, and our collective cross-generational cry for love, equality and liberation.
The trip inspired me on many levels. To keep working out hard. And to work even harder, making repeat trips possible. To stay connected to source. To practice giving and receiving. To sing. To be happy, and confident in myself. To smile. To allow myself joy. To let go of pain. To stay grounded. To keep an open heart. To relax — knowing that I can trust, deeply, because I deeply trust myself. To stay connected to my tribe. And to remember I am never alone. We are family.
P-Town: I love you. I’ll be back.