The Challenge: Let Go of Resistance

The word “surrender” comes up a lot in recovery literature, not to mention life. Frankly, it’s always been a difficult concept for me to grasp. I mean, we don’t expect the president to explain the concept of “surrender” to the Army — or a football coach to his players at half time. Why should it be any different for each of our individual journeys?  Aren’t we, after all, individual players on that big, football team of life?  I just couldn’t seem to get it.

That was, until last week.

I found myself surfing near the Santa Monica pier, out further than I normally swim, mostly to escape the seaweed. Despite the fact that the friendly pro-am surfer dudes at Mollusk had strongly recommended I buy fins, I found myself flapping around without them, making my swimming much more difficult. I knew I should have bought them.

It wasn’t long until I realized I could no longer feel the sand underneath my feet, and feeling a momentary sense of panic, I decided to swim back to shore. But, that’s exactly what you’ve done before, I thought to myself.

It was the first time surfing that I admitted to myself that I actually felt … afraid. 

For a moment: sheer terror. Not only was I prisoner of the waves, but scenes from  Jaws and  Open Water  were flashing through my mind. All my flapping around was an inane attempt to exert some sort of “will” or “influence” on the waves and my experience of the vast outstretched blue.  How ridiculous it sounds now, to write that. As if I, SAM FRANCIS PAGE, a mere human, could somehow “control” the tides with my flapping gesticulations.

But in that moment, I also surrendered something — I just gave in to the experience.

“You’ve gotta let go of the fear of being in the water if you’re ever going to learn how to surf.”  I thought. “Surrendering means letting go of resistance. Letting go of resistance to resistance.”

Whoa.

In that gentle shift, the sea started to cradle me, and instead of imagining dark chum-filled waves, for once I experienced a serene communion with nature. The ocean hadn’t changed, mind you — I had. But it seemed like the ocean had changed. In a flash, I felt completely safe, enfolded in the arms of the sea. Everything changed.

How ludicrous it is to fight against the Universe. How much more graceful to be as a seagull — flying along the surf, or dolphins leaping in pairs with the tides — swimming with that magnificent endless, blue river.

Yes, the Universe knows how to organize itself. Stand back and let it come to you.

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