I just found out I have low thyroid and am now taking a prescription for it [about a month now]. I haven’t been able to lose weight for two years and I’d been working out like a crazy person. I tried to gain muscle but my body fat just went up to 31 percent. I thought, WTF? Have you trained many people dealing with this medical condition, and if so have you seen success stories of people finally losing weight with the combination of exercise and Rx?  I think I’m about ready to invest again in weekly/daily exercise now that I know it’s not my diet or exercise routine that is the problem.  I just got so frustrated and gave up for a while.  Damn you, thyroid!  [well at least I now have a name for it and know what the problem is].  Just wondering your thoughts on the situation. —Betty, Lansing, Michigan

[Note from Sam: I asked my physician friend John (who's had low thyroid issues of his own) to share his thoughts on your question.  Here's what he said].

From a personal standpoint, I can tell you that I did not find much of a correlation between [weight loss and thyroid medication].  I’ve been on it for about 5 months now, and went off of it for about a month approximately two months ago. And, while that five month period roughly corresponds with my weight loss (which started in March), I do not believe the two are related. Actually, that one month that I was off the drug was the time when I began to really lose a lot of weight. It surprised me. The only explanation I can come up with is that I was falling asleep at 8PM because of the hypothyroidism, and therefore didn’t snack at night.

I know that a ton of people out there, who are morbidly obese, and want to attribute that to a thyroid deficiency. Never mind that their lips are shiny from Kentucky Fried Chicken even as they tell you this.

The gold standard for internal medicine is Harrison’s Principles of Internal Medicine. My copy is a bit old (1987), but here’s what it says:

“Obesity can result from hypothyroidism because of decreased caloric needs. However, only a minority of hypothyroid patients are truly obese, and an even smaller proportion of obese patients are hypothyroid. Indiscriminate use of thyroid hormone in the treatment of obesity is to be deplored, and should never be instituted in the absence of documentation of decreased thyroid function.”

Perhaps the correlation with being simply overweight is clearer, but I don’t think there are many studies out there documenting this. There actually probably are not a lot of studies. But, still, lower thyroid function, so lower metabolic rate. Few calories expended, and before you know it, horizontal stripes are completely out of the question.

By the way, there are a ton of other great benefits from the drug other than just being able to stay up later. I found that it gave me a little more of a sense of well-being. Took away some sadness. Increased sex drive.

1. Do you have a decrease in libido (sex drive)?
2. Do you have a lack of energy?
3. Do you have a decrease in strength and/or endurance?
4. Have you lost height?
5. Have you noticed a decreased “enjoyment of life”?
6. Are you sad and/or grumpy?
7. Are your erections less strong?
8. Have you noticed a recent deterioration in your ability to play sports?
9. Are you falling asleep after dinner?
10. Has there been a recent deterioration in your work performance?

If you score higher than 5, consult your doctor.

Guest post by:
Dr. Arshavir Blackwell

Stickk is a web-based motivational tool that describes itself as an online “Commitment Store.” One of its founders, Yale Economics Professor Dean Karlan, developed the system.

Users sign contracts to achieve goals: losing weight, quitting smoking, exercising more, for example. Karlan and his cofounders claim their site is based upon sound psychological principles; in particular, two well-known principles of behavioral economics: 1) people don’t always do what they say that they want to do and 2) incentives work.

Stickk has been available since 2007 and as of this writing Stickk’s website boasts:

• $11,523,156 “on the line” (more on what that means in a moment)
• 174,020 commitments created
• 300,659 workouts completed
• 2,502,250 cigarettes not smoked

This is not a website that provides motivation via vague exhortations to be a better person. Stickk is quite concrete in its methods and its goals.

How It Works

Say that you want to lose 25 pounds in time for the Hawaiian-themed office Christmas party where everyone wears leis and swimsuits. Go to the Stickk website, create an account, and enter your goal, e.g., weigh 175 pounds by December 20.

Each week, you report your weight (or whatever your goal is—the best one I saw listed was “Have no more John sex”) and Stickk tells you if your week’s loss keeps you on track for your final goal. If you’re trying to lose 25 pounds over 25 weeks, and you lose a pound that week, you have reached your week’s goal.

But Wait There’s More!

So far this is just a normal performance-tracking website. But there are two optional features designed to make it more effective:

First, you can designate a referee. Every week, this person confirms your progress in order to prevent cheating.

Second, you can put money on the line. Let’s say you wager $250. Divide this over the number of weeks that your goal is in play. Every week that you fail to lose a pound, you forfeit ten dollars: $250/25 weeks = $10 (they deduct it automatically from your credit card). Again, a referee can improve effectiveness by keeping you honest.

Where Does the Money Go?

Here is Stickk’s mean little trick: you choose an “anti-charity,” a group whose work you strongly disapprove of. When you lose, they get it.

This small, yet devious, bonus feature makes the punishment that much more burdensome. Did that pizza binge this weekend result in your donating $25 to the Organization for Experimentation on Unwanted Puppies? Better luck next time.

But, Does It Work?

I have used Stickk twice, each time to lose about 25 pounds. Both times I used a wager tied to an anti-charity, and never you mind which.

The first time, it worked. The second time, it did not. From the ashes of my failure, here are observations which might improve Stickk and give you a better chance of succeeding. But first, a bit about behavioral psychology to provide some context.

Punishment Versus Reward

Psychologists have long studied the dynamics of punishment versus reward in motivating behavior.

Punishment is defined as any action which decreases a behavior. Zapping a rat with an electric shock when it goes in to a particular corner of its cage is punishment. Over time (and pretty fast; rats are smart) it will no longer demonstrate the behavior of going into that part of the cage.

Reward is defined as any action which increases a behavior. Giving a rat a yummy treat when it goes into a certain (hopefully different) part of its cage is a reward. Over time, it will tend to demonstrate the behavior of going into that part of the cage.

You and I are no different.

Yes, But How Much?

Is it more effective to punish someone when they do wrong, or reward them when they do right? Should you reward someone every time they do well, or just some of the time? Exactly how harsh or how rewarding should the punishment be? Should the punishment or reward be the same every time, or should it get worse, or better?

The answer: it depends.

Some people respond better to punishment. It kicks up some contrarian spirit in them that says, when you say that they can’t do something, “Oh yeah?” We’ll call these people “punishees.”

Other people respond better to reward. We’ll call them “rewardees” as a balanced counterpoint.

My discovery: in the short term I respond better to punishment. In the long term I respond better to reward. If I am told something bad is going to happen, I will do all I can to keep it from happening. Once it happens, if it keeps happening, I simply feel frustrated—nothing I can do is going to change it.

Reward, in the long run, keeps me in an optimistic mood, which motivates me. So let’s call me a “rewardee.” I am more energized and more compliant when optimistic. Hitting me over the head with a rolled-up newspaper once or twice works, but after three or four times it becomes demoralizing.

With this background in mind, let’s discuss…

Three Ways to Improve Stickk

1. Safe Word. Once you commit you are locked in for the duration. Commitments have no safe word. In general, this is good. But if honest effort results in failure, you should be allowed to regroup. Stickk  doesn’t allow this.
2. Flexibility. The wagering system should be more flexible. For example, while you might be willing to wager $10 a week to get to your goal, if, after three or four weeks you have lost each time, then your commitment plan may need adjusting. There’s no way to limit your total losses. If you have committed to $10 a week, your total loss could be $250, more than you are willing to wager. If you wager, say, a dollar a week, while your total loss won’t exceed $25, losing a dollar a week is probably not effective enough motivation. Stickk should have a way to have high penalties up front which diminish if they demonstrate ineffectiveness.
3. Feedback Loop. There’s no feedback loop. Let’s say your goal is to run a little farther than last week. All you can do is wager that you will run an extra five miles, for example, each week. But you might want to increase the amount you run based upon your progress and how you feel. You don’t want to boost your goal by too low an amount, as it is not enough of a challenge, but you don’t want to increase it by too high, setting yourself an unrealistic goal. Stickk doesn’t allow this sort of dynamic feedback.

Rewardees Require a Kindler, Gentler Approach

It’s tough using punishment as a behavior change tool for rewardees.

If you, a rewardee, are just lazy and need something to kick you in the ass from time to time, punishment can be effective. You’re tired and you’d rather eat that ice cream cone than run five miles. But then you think, “If I do this, I’m going to lose 25 bucks to the Society for Stepping on Kittens,” and you forgo the ice cream and go jog.

But—if you are a rewardee and you earnestly attempt your goal each week and fail, then punishment is not effecting the change you want. You are futilely beating yourself over the head and further demoralizing yourself.

This is the cycle of failure and guilt that leads so many of us to fail in our life goals. A couple of bad weeks of weight gain despite caloric restriction and we feel that “if I’m going to keep gaining weight, I might as well keep gaining weight while eating lots of ice cream.”

Stickk needs to allow one to regroup, so that a legitimate failure—one where you are putting in full effort and still getting no result—doesn’t end up as a demoralizing and counterproductive experience.

Take Control

Another way to improve your Stickk experience: make your goal something you have direct control over.

Let’s take losing weight as an example again, (because, let’s face it, that’s why you’re reading this).

No matter how assiduous one is in one’s weight goals, there are times when from week to week one’s weight might still go up. You don’t have direct control over this. What you do have control over is what you eat, how much you eat, and how much you exercise.

Keep goals focused on tangibles that are directly under your control. Pledge that you will run five miles a day. If it is at the end of the day and you haven’t run, you’re making a conscious choice of whether to do so. Your weight will take care of itself.

Stickk, Would I Recommend It?

Yes, with caveats. If you are well motivated by punishment and get angrier and more defiant and more energized the more you get slapped back, Stickk will probably work.

However, if you, like me, are more motivated by reward and after a few punishments feel like giving up, Stickk would be better if its creators added a dynamic component to allow us to assess progress and adjust accordingly.

If you are going to use Stickk, choose a goal that’s directly under your control.

Want to get a full eight hours of sleep? That’s not directly under your control. You shouldn’t be penalized for not falling asleep or not staying asleep, but the things that might help you get a better night’s sleep—a quiet room, exercising during the day, or starting to wind down after 8 PM—are things you can control and which should be in your commitment plan.

If you are doing those things and not reaching your goal, then revisit your plan and change your choices.

My suggested changes to Stickk mean that now you are rewarded for doing what you thought would work, rather than being punished for doing what you thought would work but didn’t work. If what you thought would work doesn’t work, you should be able to try something else. This is called learning.

In this new try-before-you-buy model of Stickk, you can feel optimistic that you have done what you set out to do, even if you failed. Optimism, at least for rewardees like us, is very motivating: each small victory is a progress-conducive jolt to the pleasure center, and those small victories, chained together, win the War.

For nearly two decades, I underestimated the sheer stress that comes just by choosing to live in an urban jungle. Amidst the traffic, poor air quality, high cost of living, and the general pace of life — Los Angeles is by far the most stressful places I’ve lived.  You actually have to TRY to relax here, which is really saying something. It led me to wonder: What are some easy ways to self-soothe? I found a few I wanted to share with you.

1. Outdoor exercise – If you live in a big city or have an indoor desk job, you might have a deficit of exposure to Mother Earth. People with Nature Deficit Disorder who exercise outdoors in a natural environment are less agitated and have an easier time focusing. Take my NDD challenge.
2. Indoor exercise – One psychologist I interviewed told me in his 25+ years of clinical practice, he firmly believes that a full 90 percent of his patients experiencing depression would not require therapy if they would just exercise regularly. The bottom line is that the stress has to go somewhere. Exercise releases the stress and gives you a boost of mood enhancing endorphins. Think of it as natural morphine. More…
3. Music  – Lay off the Coldplay. Listening to upbeat music will cheer you up and distract you from negative thoughts. Listening to music on the way to work or coming home is a great way help you unwind during your commute. Two of my favorite upbeat Spotify playlists:  PEACE LOVE LUNGES and to motivate you at the gym, here are my 100 Great Workout Songs.
4. Foot massage is a natural healing modality based on the principle that there are reflexes in the feet which correspond to every part, gland and organ of the body. You don’t need to pay for this. I wear foot-stimulating sandals in the evening once a week, which you can pick up for less than $10 and it seems to do a nice job.
5. Organize stuff - Cleaning and organizing provides distraction and also gives you a sense of control.
6. Journaling helps you problem solve, getting you get in touch with your problems and feelings.
7. Affirmations leverage your brain’s neuroplasticity by changing maladaptive (“bad”) thoughts with positive cognitions (e.g. “I suck” becomes “I am an intelligent and successful person”)  There’s solid science that this stuff works — that’s why I dedicated an entire blog post to how and why affirmations change the brain in which I also provide practical ways to get started.
8. Acupuncture – I swear by this healing art for its ability to relieve pain, stress, and promote a general sense of well being. Each treatment builds upon the one previous, and the needles are usually painless. Russell Brown, at POKE Acupuncture in Los Angeles is a truly gifted practitioner who I cannot recommend strongly enough.
9. Puppy Love – Your blood pressure drops when you play with a dog. Rescuing a dog also earns you some good karma. Everyone wins.
10. Sex - Probably the greatest, most natural stress-buster ever AND you burn calories. Plus, married men live longer. If regular sex is missing, it could be time to address other underlying issues.
11. Reading prevents obsession over negative thoughts by distracting your mind.
12. Meditation doesn’t have to boring or complicated. I created this 4-minute meditation break which I use while stretching clients post-workout.  You can download guided meditation podcasts at Mediation Oasis, a free site, on topics ranging from “Emotional Ease”  “Beyond Pain” or easy ones such as: “Mini Break for Work or Study”  They also have a $3 meditation app. And try  these grounding techniques to promote relaxation and help you stay in the moment.

This article has been made available as an open educational resource by Sam Page under a Creative Commons Attribution-Noncommercial-ShareAlike license.  All other content on this page (including links, images, logos), in addition to the content of any pages linked to from this page, are copyright Sam Page unless marked otherwise. If you adapt this resource for your own use please mark it as a derivative work of the original.

 

ENTER SCIENCE

Evidence-based research shows that affirmations, like prayer, actually change the brain on a cellular level—in other words, what you think about matters—a lot. “Thoughts have a direct connection to your health,” says Dr. Joseph Dispenza, author of Physics, the Brain and Your Reality:

“Thoughts make a chemical. If you have happy thoughts, then you’re producing chemicals that make you feel happy. Negative, angry thoughts and fearful thoughts also produce chemicals to make you feel how you’re thinking.”

“Some people have connected love to disappointment; so when they think about love, they instantly experience the memory of pain, sorrow, anger—even rage. Rage may be linked to hurt, which may be linked to a specific person, which then is connected back to love.”

I DIDN’T EAT TODAY.

It was by choice — I wanted a break from my often constant eating and preoccupation with food.  Yes, I did the “cleanse” thing.

If you talk to my clients or friends, they’ll tell you that I enjoy eating. I preach the consumption of  prepared foods: chicken, fish, brown rice, broccoli, lean meats, egg whites, veggies.  I typically eat 5-6 small meals a day. One or two of these meals is usually some type of protein bar or meal replacement drink.

On the other hand, if you talk to Bronson, he’d rat on me. It’s true I’m a sucker for a good chocolate chip cookie and Krispy Kreme. The last time we had them (Sunday) I ate most of the dozen. Okay, two dozen. But it was cheat day.  I also have a less-than-ideal relationship with sugar, (with Red Vines being my chief weakness in that department) and caffeine (a.k.a. my iced coffee, the “old school way” from the Coffee Bean).

But I’m giving all of this a rest—hopefully a long rest—as I embark today upon a sunrise-to-sunset fast called The Master Cleanser, which you can read more about in one of my earlier posts.   If you’re interested, you can also buy the book here.  Here’s what happened on my day in the fast lane…

08:00

I keep asking myself: why am I doing this?  Here are my reasons.

1. Brah wanted to try it.  Out of solidarity, I want to support him.

2.  I’d like to break my unhealthy relationship to caffeine and sugar.  Taking a break from both of these things just feels right with my “gut check.”

3.  I’ve heard so much about fasting and how it brings about a spiritual peace, calmness and focus. Some people call it a “natural high.”  I’m interested in this.

4. I’m tired of washing dishes. Yeah, it sounds lame—but it’s true.

5.  I’ve read a lot lately about the connection between one’s I.Q. and one’s propensity toward vegetarianism. They say it’s because people with higher I.Q.’s also recognize the life extension benefits associated with vegetarianism.  A widely-held belief among life-extension practitioners is that reducing the amount of food one eats is directly tied to the duration of one’s natural life.  While there may not be any double-blind evidence to support this, on a “gut-check” level, it just seems right to me.

10:00 Morning Prep

I’ve just now made about 100 ounces of the lemonade mixture for myself and Bronson, which should be enough for the day.

The lemonade is prepped as follows (per glass):

• 10 oz. water (warm/medium hot)
• 2 tablespoons lemon juice
• 2 tablespoons pure maple syrup (amber grade B or C)
• 1/10th teaspoon of cayenne pepper
• I made it 50 oz at a time (fits a water bottle):
• 50 oz. warm/medium hot spring water
• 10 TB lemon juice (freshly squeezed)
• 10 TB pure maple syrup (preferably grade B or C)
• 1/2 TSP cayenne pepper

The pale yellow lemon juice is tart, but is balanced nicely with the sweet, amber hues of the maple syrup.  Prepared, the concoction looks a little bit like apple juice mixed with cranberry juice.  It doesn’t taste half bad!

12:30 Mid-day Reflection

I’m still feeling good and I’ve decided that I won’t let the fast disrupt my own gym routine, since I’m personally in a pretty good clip lately, and I want to hit the New Year running with my personal fitness goals, so I’m going to hit Gold’s Hollywood.  Physically, there’s a little hunger, but it’s not the gnawing hunger I expected, and the cayenne pepper in the lemon mixture gives you a full, warm feeling.

13:30 Post Workout

My workout was a little shorter than normal (I did shoulders) but in my effort to be a good soldier, I spent some extra time working on abs.  I find that sometimes during a hard workout, when my energy is lagging or I simply don’t have enough time, doing abs is a great way to stay focused, centered, and meditative.  I left the gym feeling energized and headed to Hollywood to train my afternoon clients.

14:40 Reflection

I’m almost seven hours into the fast, and I feel remarkably good. At this point I’ve consumed about 50 ounces (1.5 liters) of the lemonade mixture.  I’ve trained my morning clients and even made a trip to the gym myself.

I feel a little hungry right now, but it’s not unmanageable. If anything, there’s a greater sense of control over my body and mind in knowing that I am doing this of my own volition.  The fast allows some peppermint tea throughout the day, so I’m sipping hot peppermint tea, which is a surprisingly tasty replacement to the iced coffee I usually drink.

16:45 Bronson Chimes In

Bron texts me: “I WANT TO EAT EVERYTHING IN SIGHT!” This will be an interesting evening.

18:00 Epiphany

I had a weird experience driving past a McDonald’s restaurant tonight on the way home from work. I could literally smell that “McDonald’s aroma” in the air and the smell of grease and french fries smelled just WRONG.  It was an interesting visceral reaction to a smell I don’t normally notice.

19:30 Ambient Therapy

I want to flood my remaining four senses with stimulation and take my mind off food, so I just prepared the house with candles, incense, and ambient music (something I learned from Paul).

My senses are heightened.  It must be working, because when Bronson arrived home, he remarked how warm and cozy everything felt.  I drew him a hot moisture bath.

We are both weighing whether on not we should continue the fast through the night and into the next day.  After tossing it about, we decide to make some peppermint tea and steamed rice and bring the day-long cleanse to a close.

The rice tastes gooooooood.

21:00 Finish Line

We hit the hay (watching an episode of Nip/Tuck) before finally falling asleep: my day in the fast lane is complete.

-Ed. Note: post originally published 12/28/06

In 2006, my blood pressure tested higher than normal

“You doctors just don’t understand how real people live. C’mon—me, a TRAINER who gets up at FOUR THIRTY in the MORNING, quit drinking COFFEE?? Yeah, right.”

Still nodding, I agreed to a follow up seven days later so he could re-test my blood pressure and determine whether or not I needed to be placed on “blood pressure meds.”

As I left the office, those three words rang in my head: “Mocha Iced Blended.” I pulled myself out of my daydream and started doing the math. I’d been drinking coffee every day from the time I was 13. More or less EVERY DAY for the past 21 years. Maybe the doctor was right after all. Could I really be a coffee junkie?

I decided to quit.

I started by going cold turkey. That lasted—(not)—for a little less than three days. By the 69th hour, I’d succumbed to a Diet Coke late in the afternoon. I tried to sell all sorts of reasons to myself, but it was really all bullshit. I needed a new plan: a way THROUGH the madness.

MY “PRACTICAL WAY” TO STOP DRINKING CAFFEINE

I created this approach from scratch, and it’s been a pretty easy way for me to reduce the amount of coffee I drink, largely because I haven’t felt deprived, while “tricking” my body.

• Taking a tip from a client who suggested coffee drinkers are far more addicted to the ritual of drinking the coffee than the actual beverage, I moved our coffee pot from the central point in the kitchen to the far side, making the coffee “ritual” less central to my morning experience. Next I took two large clear plastic canisters and placed them on the kitchen counter. I bought a large can of 1/2-Caf which contains 50 percent less caffeine than regular coffee and dumped it into one of the canisters. I bought the same sized can of “decaffeinated” grounds and poured them into the other canister.
• When I take a scoop from the 1/2-Caf can, I take an equal amount from the Decaf can and mix it into the 1/2-Caf can, thereby diluting the ultimate caffeine content of the beverage. I’ve mixed about 75 percent of the Decaf into the 1/2-Caf now, which means that I’m mostly drinking mostly decaf now.
• I’ve also changed my behavior. Instead of setting the alarm clock for 4:30 AM, now I sleep until 5:15 AM, and immediately hop into the shower, waking up naturally with great lemon-sage aromatherapy from Bliss Spa. That gives me an extra 45 minutes of sleep each weekday—that’s almost 8 hours of extra sleep every week. Not a small thing for a trainer.
• I’ve done a few of other things too. I’ve stopped using those impossibly huge mugs in favor of smaller mugs. I don’t make as much coffee in the morning, either. And I stop at two mugs, max. This morning, I only had 3/4 of one.

About a week to the day, I returned to my doctor. I could almost hear the pride in his voice when he gave me the good news: “Congratulations Sam. Your blood pressure is normal. You’ve saved yourself from having to start a new medication, and you’ve improved your health.”

I think he was a little surprised that I’d done it.

I was, too.

(Originally published: Jun 3, 2008)

Here’s why:

Drinking red wine may preserve memory and protect the central nervous system. It also prevents clots and blood vessel inflammation—both of which are linked to heart disease and decline of cognitive function.

Overall, red wine drinkers have overall lower body mass indices (BMI’s).  And moderate wine drinkers tend to have narrower waists and less abdominal fat than people who drink hard liquor. (Higher BMI is associated with greater risk for disease).

Pinot noir contains antioxidants and resveratrol, and far more nonflavonoids than white wine.  In one study, fish who were fed resveratrol were more active swimmers—even in old age!

Finally, drinking red wine may have anti-cancer benefits… especially ovarian cancer. Australian researchers found that drinking one glass of red wine a day reduced the risk of ovarian cancer by as much as 50 percent.

Obviously moderation is key — one glass per day. OK, maybe two.   Peace, Love, Lunges… -Sam

In my eight years as a personal trainer, I’ve listened to many clients talk about their insomnia, struggling with my own at times.   I have tried to integrate most of the items on this list and, oh boy—when done in concert, they make a BIG difference.

1. Go to bed and get up at the same time every day. Yes, even on weekends. This is the single most important thing you can do for insomnia. Try not to wake your mate if your sleep hours differ.
2. Remove the clock from the bedroom, or cover it up at night.  Cover any other lights (such as LED lights on VCR’s). If you wake up in the middle of the night to use the bathroom, do not look at the clock. This is key.
3. Don’t drink alcohol before bedtime. You may fall asleep faster, but drinking alcohol will also jolt you awake in the middle of the night.
4. Don’t eat before bedtime.
5. Do more cardio. Yoko Ono says, “Walk until your body feels like dancing. Then dance. You will find that you no more have difficulty in sleeping at night.”
6. Make the room as dark as possible and use thick window coverings; they have the added benefit of keeping noise out.
7. Keep the bedroom cool. The optimal temperature for sleep is 65-72 degrees.
8. Use a noise machine or soothing CD. We use Simonette Vaja’s guided meditation for sleep all the time. You won’t be able to make it through the CD without falling out.
9. Wind down before bedtime. A pre-bedtime ritual like reading or taking a shower or bath will relax you.
10. Use essential oil of lavender on pillows.
11. Replace old pillows, but don’t change the linens too often. Slightly slept in sheets are more comfortable to the body.
12. If you haven’t fallen asleep after 20 minutes leave the bedroom and go do something that’s relaxing and boring. When you feel sufficiently relaxed to enter the bedroom again, try again. Do not lay in bed tense or upset.
13. Avoid napping during the day.
14. Do not drink caffeine after lunch. Or better yet, eliminate caffeine altogether.
15. Find 10-20 minutes per day to worry. Don’t allow worries to come into your bedroom.

Got tips? Please leave them as comments.

Courtesy of LA Times

Modern evangelist Marianne Williamson was one of the presenters at  LA Times Magazine’s “Conversations on Health & Wellness” at Terranea Resort. The conference was a nice break from my mind, which has been mired in thoughts about mom’s cancer. I was glad to see that Marianne was one of the speakers, since her book, A Return to Love, influenced our coming back together. Whether you’re well or ill, her remarks are worth a listen:

Cancer treatment deserves some new lifeblood. From my perspective as a trainer, there’s been precious little (if any) support to my mom about proper nutrition, managing side effects, and the importance of light exercise, even in an immuno-compromised state. And she is receiving the best care in the state where she lives. (Thank God she has health insurance; her brother was not so lucky).

I wonder: what if cancer were managed more like a chronic illness? Maybe our loved ones would have longer lives with fewer bad side effects? Instead of killing cancer cells through chemotherapy, what if we re-educated the body’s own immune system to attack cancer cells? I think Bronson and I ought to buy some stock in this company.

• Are they secretive about eating (and the time after eating)? This secrecy gives the individual time to binge and purge.
• Do they exhibit strange bathroom habits? (They might also make frequent trips to the bathroom after meals). Watch for signs and smells of vomiting, evidence of laxatives or diuretics, or excessive desire for privacy in the bedroom or bathroom.
• Do they exhibit odd eating behavior? Like avoiding eating with other people, or sudden (or violent) dietary preferences. Maybe they skip meals or only eat tiny portions when eating with others.
• Do they drink a lot of water or diet soda (to make vomiting easier); cut or chew their food excessively, and separate different types of food on the plate?
• Do they eat unusually large amounts of food, with no apparent change in weight?
• Do they have an excessively rigid exercise regimen?
• Do they seem to have complex lifestyle schedules/rituals to make time for binge-and-purge sessions?
• Do they use mints or gum to cover up the smell of vomit, run water in the bathroom to conceal the sound of vomiting, or refuse close contact?
• Are they preoccupied with their body weight, weight loss, dieting, and control of food? Do they wear baggy clothes to hide the body? Do they avoid looking into mirrors?
• Sometimes bulimics have discolored/callused finger joints or backs of the hands as jamming the fingers down the throat damages the outer surfaces of the hands.
• Do they have tooth and mouth issues, such as discolored teeth, and swollen cheeks?
• Intestinal irregularities, such as constant constipation or diarrhea are also common.
• Irregular/nonexistent menstrual periods.

This was sent to me by a friend on his 40th birthday…

• Just because two people argue, it doesn’t mean they don’t love each other. And just because they don’t argue, it doesn’t mean they do.
• We don’t have to change friends if we understand that friends change.
• No matter how good a friend is, they’re going to hurt you every once in a while and you must forgive them for that.
• True friendship continues to grow, even over the longest distance. Same goes for true love.
• You can do something in an instant that will give you heartache for life.
• It’s taking me a long time to become the person I want to be.
• You should always leave loved ones with loving words. It may be the last time you see them.
• You can keep going long after you think you can’t.
• You are responsible for what you do, no matter how you feel.
• Either you control your attitude or it controls you.
• Heroes are the people who do what has to be done when it needs to be done, regardless of the consequences.
• Money is a lousy way of keeping score.
• Sometimes the people you expect to kick you when you’re down will be the ones to help you get back up.
• Sometimes when I’m angry I have the right to be angry, but that doesn’t give me the right to be cruel.
• Maturity has more to do with what types of experiences you’ve had and what you’ve learned from them and less to do with how many birthdays you’ve celebrated.
• It isn’t always enough to be forgiven by others. Sometimes you have to learn to forgive yourself.
• No matter how bad your heart is broken, the world doesn’t stop for your grief.
• Our background and circumstances may have influenced who we are, but we are responsible for who we become.
• Two people can look at the exact same thing and see something totally different.
• Even when you think you have no more to give, when a friend cries out to you—you will find the strength to help.
• Credentials on the wall do not make you a decent human being.
• The people you care about most in life are taken from you too soon.

GROWING UP, I used to pretend that my red Radio Flyer was my very own car. I’d take imaginary trips to see my grandmother in southern Utah, holding an invisible steering wheel as I guided the “car” along each bend in the road. When I arrived at her house, I never wanted to leave.

Some things never change.

On my shoulder is a tattoo from Where the Wild Things Are. It’s the story of Max, a mischievous boy who goes on a scary adventure in a jungle far from home. He dances with monsters, who crown him “king of the wild things.”  We named our Yorkshire Terrier after him.

Max has come to symbolize my journey through life. After high school, I needed to get out of Utah. I didn’t know how to deal with the reality that I was into guys. After college, I moved to LA and launched HERO Magazine. Maybe then they’ll accept me, I thought. I spent the better part of a decade chasing that.

In the wake of my mom’s health, that seems so distant and unimportant now.

There’s this flood of conflicting emotions inside me; I’m still in a daze.
I’m angry that we’ve essentially lost 12 years: we’ll never get them back.
I feel guilty: did I contribute to her cancer?

I’m coming to grip with that line in Fight Club:

This is your life, and it’s ending one minute at a time.

I’m overwhelmed by all the love and support, and at the same time I’m not very good at accepting help. Ironically, the concern of loved ones causes me to retreat deeper into the jungle.

Fortunately, Where the Wild Things Are ends on an up note: Max eventually gets lonely and returns home to his room and finds a hot supper waiting for him.

Like Max, these past seven days have taught me that no matter how hard you try, you can’t run away from home.