It’s a Setback — Not a Defeat
“It is better to light a single candle than to curse the darkness.”
-Eleanor Roosevelt
As the election returns were pouring in, one of my friends from college asked me last night what I thought about the anti-marriage amendment passing here in California and “what this means” for us.
We may have lost the battle, but we’ve won the greater war by electing Barack Obama president.
I know that California Attorney General Jerry Brown has said that our unions will stand, but in reality, the passage of Proposition 8 likely means that the California Supreme Court will eventually have to decide on the fate of the 18,000+ couples who wed while they had the right to marry. I’ve also heard there’s a possibility that the state high court could repeal the amendment as incongruous with the “equality clause” in the California constitution.
The bigger picture here is that we now have a president-elect who believes in change, and holds that “equality is a moral imperative” for gays and lesbians saying: “I oppose the divisive and discriminatory efforts to amend the U.S. Constitution or those of other states.” Obama supports both the Matthew Shepard Act and Employment Non Discrimination Act, indicating he will sign them both into law. He advocates the complete repeal of the Defense of Marriage Act (DOMA) because “federal law should not discriminate in any way against gay and lesbian couples, which is precisely what DOMA does.” Most importantly, Obama will appoint justices to the Supreme Court who will stand for human rights.
Yes—it’s a huge setback for gays and lesbians in the U.S., but I refuse to allow my anger over defeat to cause me to despair. Before this election, I’d never protested or picketed anything. There was a palpable benefit from standing in the median of a busy Los Angeles street in front of the Mormon Temple and holding that giant sign. Barack Obama (and my friends Eric, Darin and Molly) inspired me to do it, and I’ll always be grateful to them for that.
I encourage you to get involved, too. We can’t just sit back and “hope” our rights will be served up on a silver platter. We didn’t lose by much. Our opportunity is to channel that energy somewhere productive, namely to get involved in the process. I plan to take our new president-elect’s words to heart and get involved in changing our country.
November 5th, 2008 at 1:31 pm
An interesting, thoughtful and inspiring response. Thanks for sharing this! I (for one) needed to “hear” this.
November 5th, 2008 at 2:00 pm
You’re welcome. And thank you for your comment!
November 5th, 2008 at 2:01 pm
Last night, I watched in stunned silence as the numbers rolled in signaling victory for Prop 8. I was with, among others, a gay couple who have been together for 30 years—their love and commitment to each other growing steadily through the years. On the television, a woman clutching her toddler son expressed joy that the victory of Prop 8 would “preserve marriage” for her child.
You’re right, Sam. This was not a defeat. But it was an absolutely horrible blow. In the midst of a huge democratic landslide all across the country, we still were not able to overcome this injustice. To make matters worse, voters in Florida and Arizona approved measures to effectively ban gay marriage, and in Arkansas, gays are now banned from adopting children.
The defeat is all the more amazing because we were not asking to be granted the right to marry—we had that. We simply did not want the right taken away from us. And we still lost. How much more difficult is it going to be to ask to be given that right once again?
It’s easy to wallow in self-pity, and perhaps it is acceptable that we do that for a short time.
But we need to act.
All those kids in high school struggling with their sexual identity will hear today loud and clear that it really is not OK to be gay. And they will be filled with more shame. With more fear. With more self-loathing.
A lot of us can remember the pain of living in a closet, being bombarded by messages that being gay is wrong. Some of us were left with emotional scars. For others, the pain simply became too much to bear. None of us escaped unscathed.
For all of those struggling with their identity, we need to act. Yes, we need to obtain rights for ourselves—to be able to marry the partner we choose. But we also need to forge a world so that upcoming generations of gays are not going to have to live with this societal bigotry toward homosexuality. We may not be able to get the world to embrace us, but let’s not let them spread their message of gay shame without a fight.
I’m going to be sad today. Probably tomorrow, as well.
But then, I’m dusting myself off, and I’m going to be ready for the fight.
November 5th, 2008 at 2:07 pm
Sign us up. It is ON.
November 5th, 2008 at 2:11 pm
Great perspective, Jonathan. And I’d tell those closeted kids: “Not only is it okay to be gay, it is your duty as a citizen to ensure equal rights for all of your gay brothers and sisters——and all Americans.”
Gad you’ve got some more fight left in you for the next round!
Peace, Love, Lunges,
Sam
November 5th, 2008 at 2:29 pm
yep. it is a bittersweet day here in California. i have been at the front lines for a couple weeks now and it has changed my world view and ignited the fire inside. I, like Sam was not a picketer – I never held post on a street fighting for anything. Yet, once I took that position – everything changed. Now, I too am inspired by a new president, the winds of change, the challenge of opposition and the beauty of hope. I don’t know what tomorrow will bring, or the nature of the lawsuits that will fly in every direction, but I know this. Where EVER I am needed I will be there. I can never go back to letting others do the work, the worry the fighting for me. The world is a new and better place and I have to be a part of that change.
-M
November 5th, 2008 at 2:54 pm
Thanks for inspiring me, Molly (and countless others) to lead a more deliberate, thoughtful life.
Peace, Love, Lunges,
Sam
November 7th, 2008 at 6:01 am
[...] past few days since Proposition 8 was passed have been remarkable. What’s surprised me most are the number of women I know who are pretty [...]
November 10th, 2008 at 1:07 pm
Sigh.